So Many Things Wrong…

23Mar10

So this article.  Where do I start?

How about with the basic (incorrect) assumptions that have to be made in order to write this article and believe that it is true?  These are:

1. All women are seeking a long-term relationship.

2. All men are seeking a hookup.

Which leads to…

3. No man will “sacrifice” a situation in which he is free to hook up, unless the woman holds sex over his head as a means to trap him into a long-term relationship.

Now that we’ve gotten that bit (which is degrading to both genders) out of the way…

How about this?

This culture of people “hooking up” with others whom they are not dating or, God forbid, married to drives me crazy for a few reasons.  The first is how unattractive and degrading it is for women, but that is just me. That’s not what I want to talk about. What I want to talk about is what it means for where our society is headed. When my parents were my age, it was not commonplace for people to “hookup” with one another without dating. In their crazy world, the norm was for people to date and then, if after dating for a period of time a couple decided they liked each other, they might have engaged in “hooking up” before marriage. But somewhere along the line during the past 20 years, men were apparently successful in creating a culture where the norm became hooking up with someone for a period of time and then, if you like the hookups, consider dating.

In the past, women expressing interest in sex was even more frowned upon than it is today, which helped keep that “date/marry first, hookup later” system in place.  Any woman who did not agree with the system would be shamed into obeying it anyway, or shunned from society (if she was unwilling or unable to disobey secretly).  While that kind of thing does still go on (note that “degrading for women” bit in the quote above), it has less power in our society.  This is undoubtedly a good thing.  Furthermore, men did not create the “hookup culture,” and, once again, to say that they did returns to those assumptions which are insulting to both genders.

The way to stop our culture from regressing to the point where no one ever bothers to get married anymore is for women to stop praising behavior found in shows like “Sex and the City.” Girls should start conducting themselves like rational human beings. Stop becoming friends with benefits. Stop casually hooking up with guys when you binge drink on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Only when this occurs will our country be able to revive a culture of dating. Until then, I don’t want girls who casually hookup with guys to complain about being single, or ask why guys are not asking them out on dates.

Okay, so let me get this straight.  The writer of the article, a male, wishes the tradition of marriage to stay intact.  He believes the hookup culture is endangering this tradition.  He does not call men to re-think the behaviors and opinions he assumes they exhibit, but instead tells the women to “behave like rational human beings” and start using sex as a means to force men into a relationship with them.  Right.

The practice of putting the burden of change onto women is incredibly common, and usually the reasoning for this is “but men just can’t help themselves!”  When is this going to stop?  It’s insulting, and it’s exhausting.  If you’re afraid that the hookup culture is killing marriage, and you do not want that, why don’t you start by working on your own behaviors?  Perhaps in the process you will learn that:

  1. People want a great many things.  Some want marriage, some hookups, some wild combinations of the two, and which people want which things does not really have much at all to do with gender (we aren’t going to address social conditioning at the moment).
  2. It is not, in fact, rational behavior to try to force a person to commit to you by using sex as a weapon.
  3. Furthermore, such manipulative actions don’t exactly make for a healthy relationship.
  4. Men are just as capable of changing their behaviors as women are of changing theirs, and to assume they aren’t belittles your own gender.
  5. Many women actually enjoy and want sex.  Many of these women want sex outside of a monogamous relationship.  They are not lesser people for this.

And he closes charmingly with,

Get your act together, or you girls will continue to stare at that “single” status on Facebook.

Well, hell, I’ve changed my mind.  I’ll get right on using sex as a means to trap those helpless, idiotic, evil men into relationships.  I want a man just like the author of that article…one who will be condescending and rude to me as he tells me the way I should act in order to be a proper woman.

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